Every nation has to plan for it, every community has to be prepared for it and every household should talk about it so why shouldn’t your relationship? There are certain issues any in any relationship that can be constituted as a crisis and as with any such occurrence they can range in severity. Like in a house or even at work, there are plans in case of emergency, it may be a good idea to talk about some of these things so that if one of these things comes into play, you have a prediscussed plan of action.
1. Change, Growth and Evolution
People grow, change and evolve as the years go by and personal ambitions and career goals may not be the same as they once were. If one spouse experiences this growth and the other does not, it can feel as though both are growing apart and can strain the relationship as uncertainty grows regarding the “GPS Location” of where they can expect to find their spouse in the relationship. It feels like a drift is occurring with no way to stop it.
A possible resolution for this problem is to simply talk to each other. Express your goals and where you see yourself in 5-10 years. Be so familiar with your spouse’s goals as you are with your own. Get to know each other intimately, mentally and spiritually, not just physically. The issue when either only 1 talks or no one talks about their changes is that it allows room for the drifting to occur in the relationship and unspoken expectations of each other become small thorns that could possibly grow into larger irritations. So express your desires to your spouse and be prepared to listen and respond with questions to show that you are concerned about their thoughts and feelings. .
Compromise is going to be a close next best resolution. In talking with your spouse and you discover where they are now, you will have to allow time or create a plan that not just works for them but also works for the marriage Even if it’s something that is foreign to you, your spouse has to be able to know who they are and find themselves during this transformation and you during this time, you can rediscover who they aim to be. Your job is NOT to spearhead this but to support them in this journey.
DON’T BE DISMISSIVE!
Anytime someone is expressing their feelings to you, the best thing you could ever possibly do is to just listen. When someone is hurt or angry and the one person they feel that they should be able to talk to is unreachable, this can cause further issues in the relationship. Above all else, treat your relationship with your spouse as the most important relationship you will ever have. Do all that you can to encourage growth in it. Listen to your spouse and have productive communication and evaluate any changes, growth or evolution in goals. Everyone wants to know if no one else has my back, my spouse does.
Hopefully this blog post has helped your marriage by encouraging dialogue among you. Stay tuned for the remainder in this series: “Surviving the Crisis…. Together!“
